Dear Cousin
by Lidi
Summary: Chapter 4 is up. DM HG. Draco is forced to pretend he's Hermione's cousin (poor little ferret). No one knows the truth except for Draco and Hermione. It's a hot summer. Hermione's house. More fun to come :) Not fluffy!
1. A moment to memorize

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Pure fun. No responsibility for any actions :)

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Summary: Draco is forced to pretend he's Hermione cousin (poor little ferret). Hermione and he are the only two (in the muggle world, at least) who know the truth. It's a summer. And Hermy has a party to go. More fun to come :) 

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A/n: Sorry this chapter is so short. I can't make them longer. I tryed but failed. Sorry.

And please, please review - I have to know if I should continue this story :)

Dear Cousin

~By Lidi~

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~*~ A moment to memorize_ ~*~_

Hermione inhaled hot and almost wet air through wild-open window. Slight rain only make it worse - it was so hot, that sparkling drops, blurring the whole picture of the backyard, dried out before touching ground. (Hermione was happy to have room with windows on that side - road with all those noisy people and cars would distract her). Positively, summer was great, but not when you were melting even with conditioner on. Cold spiky shower gave needed feeling of freshness only for a couple of hours. Then it became a hell. Again. Hermione sighed and with loud 'boom' closed the book she's been reading for last 2 hours - "How levitation affects your physical abilities. New and improved. Now features chapter telling which tricks can be lethal". This book wasn't boring. Not at all. It was one of the best books Hermione managed to read during first week of a summer vacations. But it was a crimson sun, drowning in the roof of neighbor's house, that made pages look purplish, which was of course, by no means, disturbing for Hermione, but it made her remember that it was time to help mom with dinner.

Every evening, after sunset, she would come to the kitchen, talk with mom a bit, assist her and finally present their cooking masterpiece for hungry dad.

Every evening. But not this one.

Though Hermione, still not knowing what bright and exclusive surprise was awaiting for her in the kitchen, stood up from bed and smoothed blue satin dress (the only material to keep her relatively cold). She didn't care much about her looks, especially when she was at home and only the parents could see her, and still she was good-mannered girl, who would never left her room with such disaster on her head. Hermione impatiently brushed infamous bushy hair. She glanced at herself in the mirror. Average 17 years old girl with ordinary body, disobedient chevalier, simple features and suffering expression on an exhausted face. Summer was contraindicate for her. Hermione licked her lips. It felt salty. She immediately felt an urge to take a quick shower, but unfortunately right now it was out of question. Mom was waiting for her.

  
And then one pretty clever idea came into her bright head. Hermione observed surroundings. Finally her look settled on the bookshelf's top. She stood tiptoe and searched on the a bit dusty surface for several seconds, then with a happy gasp she took something from there. It was an old, girly, pink, and very out of fashion fan. 

As she had been waiting for that moment her whole life, she opened this fan with great joy and satisfaction, waving broadly - and oops - silver dust covered her from head to toes. How could she forget?! She was going to play that joke on Amanda, but her best friend felt sick and couldn't come, so this damn fan laid forgotten for... what? Like 4 year? Luckily there was no one around to see her - she looked very like a tasteless disco freak with twisted sense of style. This time mom just had to wait - Hermione was destined to take a bath.

Moving step by step (not to cover all her room with silver dust) she came out of her room. Still very carefully she finally managed her way to the bathroom (thankfully it was on the same floor). But it was busy! This was the worst time dad could think of occupying so much needed room. And according to loud sounds of splashing and singing it would be unavailable for at least another half an hour.

With a sour look on her face Hermione came down, to the kitchen. Even with such disastrous outlook she'd be able to talk with mom. 

When she was approaching kitchen she smelled sweet aroma of cinnamon, vanilla and fresh bakery. How many priceless evening has she spent with mom, making delicious cakes, talking and just having fun. She sniffed the air a bit more and, smiling happily, entered the kitchen. Mom was busy with another portion of cakes. Hermione stood silently, just looking at her with tenderness and love. It was so peaceful. Hermione thought that she should memorize that exact moment for her whole life - it was absolutely perfect. And just then mom turned around, noticing daughter's presence. Hermione saw something odd - mom was more nervous than always, and she was smiling a bit... too much? With mom's next words all weight of the world downed on her.

"Hermione, darling", - mom didn't pay attention to Hermione's ridiculous look, and that was very suspicious, - "I have a surprise for you. Do you remember your cousin, Draco?" - and with that fatal sentence she tuned daughter to another corner of the kitchen, where Draco Malfoy sat on the chair (it's my chair, - thought Hermione angrily, before registering the wrongness of the whole situation). He was pretty calm. He didn't smile at her (why whould he?), but just raised one brow and then drawled, with a hint of smirk forming on his lips:  
"What a...", - he paused for a split second, only to continue with such amount of bitterness in his voice, Hermione could swear it was a winter again, - "glittering meeting, my dear cousin!"

Hermione was sure she'd memorize this moment for her entire life - it was a nightmare to come alive.

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End of chapter 1

Reviews, please, please!!!! I beg you!!! 

I still have to explain what the hell Malfoy was doing at Hermy's kitchen. Actually I have a lot of stuff to explain :) I think it's gonna be funny fic. Not fluffy though. Not at all. 

I live for reviews. Really. :) I have to get at least 20 reviews to continue - otherwise how would I know you like (or dislike) it? :))


	2. Ch2, where Hermione is about to faint

Hi :))   
I really need your help - please read a/n at the end of the chapter! Thank you :)

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Italic letters are Hermione's thoughts.

Dear cousin

~by Lidi~

~*~Chapter 2, where Hermione is about to faint ~*~

  
  
  


Luckily for both 'cousins', mother was first to react (who knows what Hermione would answer):

"Darling, you do remember him, don't you?" 

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What did Malfoy do to my mother?! And what does Malfoy do at my kitchen?!

Hermione was unable to gather all thoughts together, so she answered with first thing that poped up in her mind.

"I do remember Malfoy. But I don't remember him being my cousin!"

Hermione shot angry look at her so-called relative. Her mother gasped:

"Hermione, darling, it's so rude of you! How can you tell such impossible things!"

"Mom, it's exactly an *impossible* thing!"

"Don't be silly! It you haven't seen Draco for several years it doesn't mean you have to reject him now!"

Hermoine didn't say a word, because now she was in panic - either Malfoy put too strong memory spell on her mother or he just made her crazy. 

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Nah, it can't be that bad. 

Though when her mother continued Hermione opted for craziness. Both mother's and hers.

"Darling! Probably he really hurt your feelings, when he choose Amanda over you. But you can't be jealous for so many years! Let it go and be-friend with Draco. Now!"

Last word was said with such emphasis, that it was, without doubt, an order.

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It so crasy! 'You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it' - perfect definition of that ridiculous situation. 

"Mom?!"

"Come on! Hug your cousin!"

With those words mother pushed Hermione a bit forward, to Malfoy, who was still sitting with an evil smile on his face.

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God, help me now, please! I don't know it you exist, but if you do, help me. PLEASE! 

Hermione tried to stand still, and even to step back, especially when Malfoy lazily razed from a chair and mockinly opened his arms for an emrace. To say that he didn't enjoy the every second of Hermione's torture was to ignore the most obvious fact since discovering the Earth is round.

Not to make this situation even more humiliating (you know, when you mother forcing you to hug your enemy, obviously still in the condition of crazyness, and you try to save last drops of sanity) Hermione finally gave up and bravely darted forward and slightly touched two spots on his back, pretending this to be a real hug. 

And just when she was quickly recoiling, Hermione met Malfoy's eyes. She didn't notice if they looked differ in electric light or if they were unsufferably beautiful. Instead she soaked all the contempt and superiority from her foe's depths. 

Next second the light bulb in the kitchen blinked for a several times and then room sank in the night's darkness - as well as the whole house.

"Oh my! Fuse went. I have to call your father to fix it. Children, I hope in the meantime you two will get to know each other better."

Hermione couldn't see a thing, but she felt that Malfoy was no longer by her. Fading echo of dim and gentle steps indicated her mother already left the kitchen. At least now Hermione would get an oppotunity to ask that damn 'cousin' everything she wanted to know. She tried to adjust her eyes to the empty blackness when she heard her mother shouting from the dining room:

"One more thing, while I'm away, you have to decide where Draco would sleep tonight. And be nice to each other".

Hermione was about to faint.

**End of chapter 2.**

**A/n: ** I hope it's not fluffy. And I'll try to do my best not to turn it into fluffy fic. I thought a lot about Malfoy - why he behaves the way he does. And I decided that he's not suffering form bad treating (of Lucius), he's a lovely though rejected (by Harry) guy, he's not 'an alien' in that dull Slytherin's company. He's just such a git who likes to annoy people. It's in his nature.

Oh, and I'm really proud that I noticed Hermione never saw Malfoy in the electric light - only in candle's or day's (correct me if I'm wrong :) ).

Thank you all - each and every of you, who was sooooooo kind to review the first chapter!!! I love you all! Thank you!!!!! 

I wonder - if I can answer to your lovely and great reviews by reviewing too? You know, in reviews page? Because it'd be very convenient! :)

**Oh, and I need your help - please, tell me about houses in England - do they have 2 floors? How many rooms, which room and on which floor do they have? What about bathroom? And is it polite to come to your friend's house in a neighbourhood without invitation? As I'm not from England (obviously) I really need to know it for the fic! I'll be grateful for any information :)**

And please, review this one, I want to know what you think about it. It's very-very important for me! I'm not sure if I turned this story into the right direction. 

PS - I just dyed my hair and instead of chestnut it turned red!!!!! Now it's me who's about to faint! :)

PPS - Random thought: Orlando Bloom (Legolas) is soooooooo cute! :) I even made a wallpaper with Orlando and Elijah :) The resolution is 800|600, but if you wish I can send you one with resolution 1024|768 or 640|480 :)   
http://severussnape.narod.ru/Orlando_wall8.jpg

PPPS :) - in case if you don't know - _You've got stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it_ line is from U2's song "You've got stuck in a moment". My favourite song of the moment (by U2) is 'In a Little While'. 

  



	3. Ch3, where Hermione is about to meet ano...

This chapter will look weird cos I've lost  all my notes with 3d ch. and I had to  recall some bits... well, my memory is... not that good :) 

This chapter dedicated to Airy, who helped me to get throught some tough times with that fic :)

**Chapter 3, where Hermione is about to meet another relative.**

~*~*~

Hermione turned on her heels in one swift moment.

-Malfoy! Would you care to explain what's that all about?!... Malfoy? Malfoy, where are you?

Hermione took several steps towards the chair Draco had occupied before. Bumping into empty piece of furniture Hermione repeated her question, this time with much more venom (maybe aching the knee was making her bad-tempered).

-Where are you, Malfoy! I don't have time for this game.

Then, Hermione sensed with tiny hair on her back that something was appearing behind her. Something cold and dark, freezing and terrifying.

Before she could move, her mind registered peircing pain in one little spot - where her dress ended and bare skin began. Pain was scaring, burning…

-Boooo!

Malfoy was giggling.

That's when Hermioneforced her mind to realize what had happened and that it wasn't a dementor with a knife or the Dark Lord with Avada Kedavra. Instead it was this stupid git Draco with a piece of ice in his hand. Due to sudden rush of adrenaline Hermione's vision drastically improved, so she was able to hit that ugly "cousin" of hers with such precise force that boy lost his balance and started falling backwards, taking Hermione with him.  Then came slapping, hitting, pitching and scratching.  Finally Draco managed to catch Hermione's both hands and stop her from further damaging his lovely body and face.

It was painful for both of them, really.  And it wasn't that humiliating till the very fine moment when light was turned on and Hermione had to face the boy she was currently sitting on.  But the worst was to come when a cheerful and slightly blushing Mrs. Granger appeared at the doorway and said:

-Well, well, look who's here - uncle Lucius!

 ~*~*~

Hermione was staring at Lucius.

Malfoy Jr. laid forgotten under her. Hermione's mind refused to  produce any more thoughts as she realized that this tall man in pin-striped suit and with short hair was indeed Draco's father.

As she was gaping at Lucius, he raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow indicating... Hermione followed his line of vision... Oh, no! No, no and once again no! 

As if the glittering light of her body wasn't enough for humiliation, her dress was totally messed up and Lucius probably could see her bra from his point of viewing.

 When Hermione lowered her head enough to see the same this stunningly handsome man could, she wished she could perform "oblivio" on herself.

Hermione's mind kindly rewinded and played once again some events of the morning:

there she's picking modest beige bra

there she's changing her mind and taking her sexy push-up bra

...and there she's deciding not to wear any bra cos it's too hot.

Without really thinking, she instinctively wanted to cover up, but as her hands were still held by Draco, she simply collapsed on the slim boy's body.

Pretty naturally, as you can see.

At least Lucius could no longer observe... well, you-know-what.

And Hermione felt that  Draco could feel you-know-what. So before all of this was to get even more embarassing than a poor teenager human can bear, Hermione rolled from Draco, bumping her head in that process.

-Hermione, darling, what's going on here?

 Getting up and straightening her dress, Hermione mumbled "nothing". That's when she heard that rich, dark and oh-so-sexy voice:

-No, sweetie. My son's wrong and now he's going to apologize, aren't you, Draco?

That was the most obvious threat Hermione ever heard. That's why she replied, avoiding both Lucius and Draco's eyes:

-No, you don't have to. It's ok. It's just, - she finally looked at Draco, - brother-sistery stuff.

Draco just raised an eyebrow - and at that moment he was a copy of his father.

-Well, well, if you say so, Hermione. Anyway - if he ever hurts you, just tell me. That's what uncles are for.

Forcing a weak smile Hermione looked up at him with "thanks".

That was a very uncalled for and unnecessary thing to do. 

Her mother turned away to find some plates, so she couldn't see how "uncle's" face changed from nice to  poisonous. His thin lips formed word "later" when shocked Hermione was trying to put everything togetehr.

What was she thinking about?! Was she hoping that Lucius would be as brainwashed as her mother was, huh? How naive that was!

Mrs Granger turned back to the group of relatives holding a cheese cake and then with   happy "it's dinner time" she punched Lucius at the ribs. Never in her life Hermione was so close to becoming an orphan.

But Lucius just smiled and licked his lips - at that particular moment Hermione forgot that she was a mudblood and he was a Death Eater - who needs those classifications anyway?

Lucius sighed deeply:

-Oh, I'm so sorry, but I can't stay any longer. I just popped in  to bring Draco's things. I have to go now. And, - he looked intently at Hermione, - can I have a word  with my adorable Hermy. I've got a present for her.

Lucius winked at Mrs Granger, and dragged scared Hermione from the kitchen to the small hall.

  
  
  
  
a/n: I promise to explain "pin-striped suit" and "short hair" in future chapters :)   
  
I just couldn't stop myself from quoting one interview with Jason Isaas:  
  
Ignorance like this, however, is rare. Rowling's books seem to bring about the trainspotter in everyone. No one seems just content to play a role. They all want to understand the world, know their characters inside out, become an essential cog in the fantasy. Isaacs, for instance, insisted upon a decadent look for his sneering Lucius Malfoy -- cape, fur, silver-topped walking stick and flowing blond hair, rather than the pin-striped suits the designer originally suggested. 'I said well, he's an aristocrat Lucius Malfoy, he comes from countless generations of would-be wizards and he's like those hideous members of the Tory party here who might be in government but really rule the country behind closed doors and their sofas are tatty and their jackets are tatty but their grandfather wore them. There's no point in being in a film about wizards and dressing like a businessman, frankly. Might as well dress like a wizard.' 


	4. Ch4, where Hermione gets two best offers...

_Author note: I'm not even sure someone is waiting for that fic. So I'm adding un-beted version. If someone would kindly help me with beting that chapter and future ones (presuming I still have any readers left ;) ), I'd be very grateful. Oh, now off to this new chapter! (I'm so nervous, so nervous)._

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Dear cousin

by Lidi

** Chapter 4, where Hermione gets two best offers ever**

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"Let go of me!" - Hermione hissed, as her new-found-uncle dragged her from the kitchen. And as she hit nearest table after her hand was released abruptly (damn darkness!), Lucius took a deep breath and started his little speech. 

"I like it no more than you... Na-ah, no interruptions", - Mr. Malfoy pointed his finger at Hermione to silence any protest, - "and I don't expect understanding of current situation from a mudblood. Either you do what you said to, or you parents die. It's one time offer and" – (this time furious Hermione was silenced with a hand over mouth) – "Shh, stupid creature! Do you really want you parents be killed?"

Suprisingly so, she wasn't thinking about parents faith. Instead Hermione was deciding if she'd better bite that hand off (and what hand it was! – tender, smooth and oh-so strong) or pull that bastard's hair (not that he was, you know, a real bastard, oh, and his hair! such softness and ten...).

With this delayed speed of thought, Hermione didn't realize that Malfoy already took his hand away from her and now was wiping it with handkerchief. Hermione scoffed and stared at Lucius with as much bravery and dignity as she could manage (i.e. holding back panic-tears and running the hell away from one of the most powerful and dark wizards). She was rewarded with another contempt look before Malfoy continued.

"As I was saying, little brainless mudblood, you parents would die if you not..." - Malfoy had obvious problems with next word, as he almost chokes while spitting it off, - "help us. And don't get your hopes up. Even if you... cooperate, you parents still may die. I presume it's in your interest to play your best. And if you touch my son again or try to seduce him with your young and fresh body, I'll..."

At that charming moment yet-alive mom and dad came out of a still dark dining room.

"Oh, here you are! You won't believe it, but we don't know why the light is out", - Hermione's dad was still with shampoo on a head and in ridiculous borrowed-from-one-of-the-hotels bathrobe, - "and there's our lovely guest?"

Hermione turned her 'young and fresh' body around only to see an empty darkness. Well, it was a bit too entertaining for her. Draco as summer friend, parents in death danger and another twisted compliment from handsome-and- now-relative killer was the last drop. So Hermione finally relaxed, inhaled as much as she could and finally fainted.

**xxxxxx**

"Hermione, darling, are you ok? Draco, honey, please try again... "

Cold wetness overwhelmed Hermione. What the ..... ?!  
  
She opened eyes only to be spitted by Malfoy again. Luckily with water. Though word "luck" would be too far-stretched for this situation. Hermione blinked several times, only to see that now smirking Malfoy put a whole glass of water into his mouth and... Only years of DADA training let Hermione avoid that terrible fountain and roll to the side, while Draco unnaturally happy exclaimed:  
"Oh, sister! You're awake! Finally! We were so worried about you!"  
  
'He couldn't sound more insincere even if his life depended on it', thought Hermione trying to sit up, but several hands pushed her back into something almost soft. So she was in her bed (wet-wet-wet bed – how disgusting!).

"Hermione, sweet-pie, you need rest now! I'm sure you're overwhelmed with joy and happiness, but now it's all going to be ok! I talked to Draco and he generously offered to look after you."

'Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!' – unfortunately Hermione couldn't let herself voice that thought.

"Isn't he the best cousin ever, huh, sweet-pie? I already asked dad to put camp-bed for Draco into your room, so he'll always be by your side to make this summer for you the most thrilling!"

While her mom kept babbling about all the happy time her daughter and adorable little cousin gonna have, Hermione was dreadfully imagining all possible "thrills" Draco would certainly give her. And by mischief smile on his almost angelic face, she was sure that Draco would exceed her expectations. After all, he had the whole summer ahead.

**End of chapter 4**

_Don't wanna sound pleading and pathetic, but I can't afford indifferent 'I don't care about reviews' attitude after my one-year-fic-abandoning. I really wanna know if I should continue "Dear cousin" :)_


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